I look around at some of you and you look so together. You are good at your jobs, you are great parents, you sew, you dabble in photography, you are great cooks, you find time to exercise and dress cute, you read, you are active and involved at your church, you never miss a ballgame or practice, you are caught up on all the latest tv shows, you paint your fingernails, your house is clean, you coupon, your ironing is done, you don't have suitcases from last week's vacation still sitting in your dining room, your flowerbeds have no weeds, you shower, you study your Bible, you're tan, you spend quality time with your children, you have s*x with your spouse whenever you feel like it, you're on facebook, and you are best friends with your sister who you talk to every day. Congratulations, I hate you. Well, technically I don't hate you, I am just jealous of you but that sort of feels like hate sometimes.
So I look out at so many of you that embody a lot of these characteristics, and I start to wonder - "I feel busy all the time, but none of that stuff ever seems to get done. What am I doing with my life for pete's sake?! Why can't I exercise or get the suitcases out of the dining room?". And honestly, I don't know. It just seems like I can't because of some glitch in the space-time continuom maybe. I think it would be awesome to experience life for just one day with nothing looming over my head waiting to be done. With no cheeto smeared on my couch and mail piled at the back door and fecal matter waiting to be dealt with. But that day does not exist. Instead I am wondering how I am going to finish couponing in time to shop while Super-G is at piano so I can get home and get Destruct-o-girl down for a nap in time to start the dinner that will be ruined when I realize part of it has fallen victim to the current ant invasion. And what makes is worse is that I know ya'll are all doing it too. All of you. So why then do I feel like many you are doing it better than me? Do you ever feel that way? Surely it's not just me? I need reassurance, and advice, and a few more hours in a day, and a life coach, and a Reece's peanut butter cup as big around as a vinyl record to feel better about this.
Why do all of our clothes seem dirty at once? Why do I get the electic bill on the pink paper because I forgot to go by and pay it this month? Why do I hate showering? Why do I get so consumed with guilt over things not done that I won't go enjoy the pool in my own back yard with my kids? Why did 7-up change its taste a few years ago and become awful to me? Why am I the only person on the planet who can't make my hair do the cute, loose curls with the straightener? Why will my children only pick up after I scream and get out the spanking spatula? Why do I like to blog so much that I stay up until all hours of the night instead of sleeping? Why am I full of mixed emotions about the fact that I'm a stay-at-home-mom who doesn't spend enough time with my kids? Why do I love icing so much? Why won't the ants in my kitchen go away? Why do I miss hanging out with my husband even though we live in the same house? Why do I still have no idea how to work my camera after more than a year? Why are my calves too big for tall boots? Why don't I have any idea what "True Blood" is? Why does fingernail polish take so long to dry? What is the weird yellow coaggulate substance all over the back seat of my truck? Why don't I go to the dentist like I'm supposed to? Why do I feel some sort of uncontrollable need to post all of my worst flaws on the internet for the entire world to see?
If you know the answer to these or any other ridiculous questions, will you please clue me in? I need to know how you're doing it all. And if you are not actually doing it all, it wouldn't hurt to let me know that either please. It makes me feel better about myself to hear of others' failures. And also, could someone please remind me that my children are small and it will not always be like this? Remind me that one day they will grow up and I will find myself wandering, "Why do I have nothing to do anymore? And what am I doing with my life for pete's sake?!".
Thanks a million.
Cassie (a usually proud and happy disaster who seems to be having an introspective week)